That's What Jenni Said

We have two adorable dogs.  Julia is almost eight years old. A beagle-Cattle Dog mix, we adopted her from our local animal shelter when she was almost a year old. When we first brought her home, she was friendly to strangers and other dogs but within a few months of living with us she became much more defensive and distrustful of both. Jolene is just a year and a half. She’s a Pomeranian-Corgi mix and just like Julia she has transformed from a friendly-to-everyone pup to a more aggressive and defensive dog. While both dogs understand some rudimentary commands like sit, stay, and shake paw, neither dog consistently behaves in the ways we’d prefer and I frequently worry about their interactions with other dogs and people.  After a recent visit to the veterinarian wherein Jolene had to be restrained and muzzled to allow for examination we knew we had to do something. I have often seen other people out and about with well-behaved dogs and it seems like magic to me...

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. It’s always been a bit rough for me and this year I kept a handle on my emotions by staying away from social media until the day was nearly over. As a daughter I find Mother’s Day to be a painful reminder of the joy and emotional intimacy between mother and child that I have always wanted but never experienced. My mother is still alive, but our relationship has always been strained and when I see the happy pictures of my friends celebrating with their mothers (especially the ones where they look so much alike) and read the ode to mother tributes I feel the little stabby pains of envy creeping in. I let myself grieve a bit each year when this special day rolls around for what was never to be and I turn the hurt over to God because he is the only one that can full the dark corners in the heart where a mother’s love should reach but couldn’t. As a woman who is childless by choice Mother’s Day can also be a painful reminder that society not only va...

Note: I suppose that for those who struggle with self-discipline, this morning's post will provide a measure of empathy. For those who are masters of self-discipline, my comments will likely seem alien in nature and sad/entertaining/baffling. Additional note: I don't suffer from tragic self-esteem *all* the time, I don't *really* hate myself (I just say hurtful things when I am mad), and yes I really do have these kinds of silent conversations with myself.   Actual internal dialogue that took place this morning at 6am in my head between "Good Me" and "Bad Me": (alarm rings) GM: Time to get up! Time to go running! Time to tackle the day! BM: It's cold. Going back to bed. GM: NO! We are going running. Let's go. (gets out of bed and turns off alarm) BM: It's cold. I don't want to go. And I'm tired. GM: I'm tired, yes, but we need to get up and get going. BM: Why don't we just sleep in till 6:30am and then go running t...

Many years ago I read the following prose penned by an African pastor and was immediately convicted by the Holy Spirit. It embodies the life of the disciple I want to be for Christ and illustrates so clearly how wide the gap is between who I am and who I want to be:  I’m a part of the fellowship of the unashamed. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of His and I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed. My present makes sense. My future is secure. I’m done and finished with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, or first, or tops, or recognized, or praised, or rewarded. I live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by Holy ...

This week during my daily commute I have been reading Captivating (Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul) by John and Stasi Eldredge. The book promises to reveal what it means to be a woman and how to live the life of a woman as God intended on a day to day basis. The thesis of the work is a philosophy of gender reasoned as follows: 1. Gender is imprinted at the spiritual level on the soul and not just in our physical form and genes.  According to the authors, this principle is suggested by the contextual language of the versus in Genesis describing creation. Specifically, the verse dictating that God made mankind, MALE AND FEMALE, in his image. The authors argue that based on this inclusive language, both men and women represent the spiritual image of God and so it follows both genders display/embody attributes of God at a spiritual level. 2. Women reflect the following attributes of God: romance, adventure, and beauty. Using numerous scripture references, the authors do a good...

Well after a month and a half of sharing one car in our family (hubby's car is in the shop till the end of Sept because a part we need is on backorder due to the SAAB bankruptcy), I am here to update you on the benefits of the arrangement. Yes, benefits. Can you believe you just read that? It didn't seem like it was going to provide any benefits at first and I spent the first week or two complaining and whining about the suffering I was forced to endure. But I've changed my tune and I'd like to sing it for you now. 1. I have always been a person lacking self-discipline who got up whenever I felt like it (i have flexible work hours).  This has caused problems for me because fitness regimens, breakfast schedules, making time to walk the dogs, and lunch making (to save $$) all depend on a reliable and consistent morning routine. And yet it's so hard for an undisciplined person to gain discipline unless it's imposed from the outside for a time (during which it event...

In my quest to become better organized, I've tallied a master list of all the data I generate and where I log it. Upon review, it seems to be very haphazard - some things are tracked in analog systems while others are recorded in digital format. When I decide to record a new type of data I often struggle in deciding which format to store it in and also which particular product to use in the format category. I'm REALLY interested to know what kind of data you personally record, whether your habits in recording have changed over the years, and what formats and products you use for your recording. Drop me an email in reply, comment on this blog entry on the website (http://songsofgratitude.blogspot.com), or comment on the facebook syndication. Data Item Recorded, Format (analog/digital), Products medical records, digital, google docs (Excel Spreadsheet) nutrition, digital, sparkpeople.com exercise--cardio, digital, dailymile.com exercise--strength, analog, Eat Clean Worko...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey The final habit for effective living offered by Covey is one of renewal, or what he refers to as ‘sharpening the saw’. In essence this means taking care of ourselves from a holistic perspective: physical health: stewardship of our body including physical fitness, nutrition, proper rest, etc. mental health: stewardship of our mind and talents including continuing education and training, reading, writing. spiritual health: stewardship of our spiritual life including prayer, meditation, worship, and study. social health: stewardship of our social relationships including civic duties, service to others, practicing habits four through six. According to Covey we should ensure that we carve out time in our weekly schedules for each of these stewardship areas alongside our Quadrant II activities. Since my mission statement (again, here for reference) already incorporates these four areas of stewardship a...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey Having put forth three habits that comprise personality responsibility and independence, Covey turns to address interdependence (cooperative action). Building interdependent relationships: seek to understand people, their thoughts, and their motivations so that we can empathize and know what matters to them attend to details; small kindnesses and courtesies are important keep commitments clarify expectations in relationships to avoid confusion always strive to demonstrate personal integrity (first three habits) apologize whenever it is warranted Habits four, five, and six build on these concepts: Habit Four: Think Win/Win seek mutually beneficial outcomes whenever possible Win/Win or no deal strategy for collaborating with those we do not hold commitments to Win/Win or compromise strategy for collaborating with those we hold commitments to this habit takes tremendous integrity because it ...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey Habit three of effective living can be summarized as life management. Remember that habit one was recognizing our agency, habit two was demonstrating the leadership to chart our course and now here we are at habit three- active management on a day to day basis in line with our chartered course. From a computer/IT perspective this is running the program we’ve written. The most important part of running our program is keeping our commitments; is adhering to the features we’ve documented in writing the program. Doing this is a show of self-discipline. We have to master self-discipline in order to succeed in running the program as written. I ntegrity is having the discipline to submit our will to our principles we’ve centered our life on. Here Covey introduces his organizational paradigm of Quadrant management. Quadrant I activities under our management are those which are urgent in nature and important ...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Covey states that the second habit of a highly effective person is to organize life around a vision of what we value most, or in his words, to ‘begin with the end in mind’. Along these lines we should document what matters to us with a personal mission statement or statement of purpose. This is leadership; this is setting a vision of what we want to accomplish. From an IT/computer perspective this habit is writing the program for our system. The best programs we could write per Covey focus on solid principles (again, unchanging deep truths) and we must be careful not to center life on anything but those principles lest we make them little idols in our life. He cautions against a life that prioritizes marriage, family, money, work, possessions, pleasure, friends, enemies, church, or ourselves at the exclusion of everything else. I went through this exercise many years ago – creating a statement of purpo...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey . According to Covey, the first habit we must cultivate for success is that of proactivity. This means abandoning the paradigm of strict determinism: stimulus------>response Instead we must embrace a paradigm that includes the interjection of man’s free will: stimulus---->thought/will---->response We are not mere robots led around by our noses; we can choose to stop and think before acting. We must take initiative to act in our circle of influence. Note that this is not simply superficial positive thinking or an attitude adjustment but addressing realities and thoughtfully choosing the best course of action. Our circle of influence: that which we have direct control over – our actions and character that which we have indirect control over – our collaborative work with others From a computer/IT perspective this habit is simply the embrace of the reality that we have a hand in programming ...

I’ve been reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It’s my second reading of the work - my first reading was early last year but with the stress of my father’s death I didn’t absorb any of the material. There’s a lot to review and comment on so I’ll be writing my notes in sections. According to Covey, the field of success literature began with an emphasis on building character (fidelity, integrity, humility, etc). However post WWI the field turned toward a cult of personality and most modern success literature addresses the superficial of social relations like how to get people to like you and how to build your “brand”. Covey criticizes this new paradigm and reminds us that social ethics are secondary success factors; we can only experience true success and enduring happiness if we have a foundation of underlying character. “Search your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 “What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I ...

It’s very hard to separate rational truth from what we were taught as children. For as far back as I can recall I have strived to avoid conflict. With everyone, in every circumstance, regardless the consequences. Not only do I stifle eruptions of anger that well up within myself (even if justified) I do everything to avoid others becoming angry with me, especially in public. As would be expected this has exacted quite a cost emotionally and at times financially and professionally. My husband challenged me recently to consider this pattern of behavior; to study it deeply and identify why I often sacrifice everything at the altar of ‘keeping the peace’. So I did. I took time away from distractions and set myself down to pray and pursue and unravel this compulsion that often costs me so dearly. Here is what I discovered. From the time I was a very small child my mother would frequently yell at me. It was terrifying, loud, sometimes accompanied by physical violence (throwing things...

Spring will pass in less than 25 days. The spring of my 35th year. The spring of my 15th wedding anniversary. The spring of my father’s death. Looking back over my entries I notice that they stopped soon after my father’s death and the only updates since have been more details on his death and a short note about a prior winter trip to Austria. On my father The first two months were very difficult. I was unable to make it longer than a couple of days without crying over my father’s death. This month there have been no tears but his death still hits me at unexpected moments. I’ll be in the car on the way to work and suddenly it occurs to me as if it were new information: my father is dead. Or I’ll be at the office in a meeting about to present and a voice inside reports with panic: my father is dead! I never know when it is going to bubble up and knock the wind out of me, but I’m learning how to deal with it. The guilt is fading (my mantra: I did my best to be a good daughter and w...

Prior to the start of my new job, I had a somewhat regular daily routine established. Mornings I’d wake up and after getting groomed and dressed, check email/facebook and then sit down with my bible to go over my morning devotional. Then breakfast, downstairs at the table. Work would follow punctuated with errands and projects. Afternoons meant lunch in front of the tv watching Law and Order reruns and then cleaning occasionally. After that I’d exercise, shower and start dinner. Sometimes I’d remember to do evening devotionals, sometimes not. Every 2 weeks I’d borrow a work afternoon to do finances and carve out time to grocery shop. So I started working for CSC and all hell broke loose with my new schedule. The first week just the stress of getting up at O’dark o’clock (4:30AM!) was enough to exhaust me. Add in new trainings on the job, new people to meet, new tasks to do/learn and the general anxiety of wanting to make an excellent first impression and GAH. In the mornings I was to...

Today I am feeling very discouraged about my personality. I’ve always been a bit ‘different’. This difference is not just some imagined phenomenon wrought out of an emotional ‘nobody gets me’ teenage angst. It’s a well documented set of traits objectively observable by others around me. My husband told me while dating that it was my sincere and open/vulnerable kindness (a kind of sweet naivety in his words)  that drew him to me as he found it to be unusual. Friends often tell me I’m quite different than most others. According to Myers-Briggs testing I am an ENFP, which is less than 8% of the population. ENFP summary: I wear my heart on my sleeve; I’m very passionate about things that spark my interest (and very unmotivated to tackle things that don’t); I have the strongest need to be liked/loved out of any of the personality types; I have a directed sense of purpose and require that my relationships and job work toward that purpose in order to feel ok with life; I am intelligen...

This year I have decided to participate in National Novel Writing Month ( NaNoWriMo ). The annual event occurs in November and the objective is to write a fiction work consisting of at least 50,000 words within the month. I have begun to brainstorm plot constructs and thinking that it’s best to start from a base of ‘what-you-know’ I have decided to write about a woman’s life that followed the alternative path to mine. Then I got stuck trying to decide where to veer my character’s life off the course of mine. To make the decision easier, I sat down and mapped out (in decision tree form) all the major life decision points I’ve gone through so I could play with alternative choices.  While I’m sure there is truth to the claim that even the tiniest inconsequential decision can alter our lives irreversibly, I wanted to focus on the major choose-your-own-adventure moments. Here is my tree. Here are over 30 decisions I made which changed my life. When I look back over these decisions I...