That's What Jenni Said

I started down a rabbit hole of googling because a woman on a message board I frequent was upset that men at her workplace act chivalrous- holding open doors for ladies, carrying boxes, letting them into elevators first, lending umbrellas, etc. She wanted to know if this was actionable under a typical HR department as sexism or discrimination. Several folks who replied said it is called ‘benevolent sexism’ and is a bad thing. So I found this article that summarizes research that indicates chivalry is the carrot (positive reinforcement) afforded to women who maintain the feminine gender role and is the flipside of the stick (derision, violence, ridicule, etc) used when women step outside of the feminine gender role. I never thought about chivalry like this or that it had that sort of subconscious purpose and effect. Now I happen to enjoy (a lot) the traditional gender roles and conforming to the feminine expectations of society and while I don't support the stick to keep people in l...

Suddenly life just got strange. Really strange. Twilight zone strange. Every Friday that we are both in town, hubby and I go out for a date. Tonight we entertained ourselves with movie and a dinner to follow. We saw Jurassic Park in 3D and it was just as gripping as the first time we saw it all those years ago while dating. I loved it! I enjoyed the edge of my seat roller coaster ride feeling for almost two hours. As an homage to the old days I chose Little Caesar’s for dinner. Pizza Pizza! We arrived at the restaurant and I asked Jonathan if we should order a large pizza. I was concerned because most of the pricing on the menu seems to imply a large pizza is the default size now and since the restaurant always gives you two pizzas (Pizza Pizza!) that would mean taking home two large pizzas, which would be too much food. Jon whispered that he isn’t sure they are still offering two pizzas and I rolled my eyes and laugh. OF COURSE they still give you two pizzas (Pizza Pizza!), THAT’S T...

  In her new book, Lean In , Sheryl Sandberg has a little something to say about feminism, women, and power. She doesn’t devote much time to detailing or discussing the external, institutional barriers that we women face in gaining power and becoming leaders in our workplaces, the political arena, and the world. She doesn’t devote much time to these barriers because she feels that’s been well covered by others - we’ve already been there, covered that, beat that dead horse a la the Feminine Mystique. Sandberg wants to focus on our individual circles of influence. This isn’t about sociology and the group, this is about psychology and the individual. This is about what we can do, in spite of those external barriers, to rise to power. Sandberg’s main premise is that there are barriers inside of us, holding us back, and fencing off success. If we simply overcome these barriers we can rise to power and change the world through the power we wield. Sandberg on what women are designed t...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey The final habit for effective living offered by Covey is one of renewal, or what he refers to as ‘sharpening the saw’. In essence this means taking care of ourselves from a holistic perspective: physical health: stewardship of our body including physical fitness, nutrition, proper rest, etc. mental health: stewardship of our mind and talents including continuing education and training, reading, writing. spiritual health: stewardship of our spiritual life including prayer, meditation, worship, and study. social health: stewardship of our social relationships including civic duties, service to others, practicing habits four through six. According to Covey we should ensure that we carve out time in our weekly schedules for each of these stewardship areas alongside our Quadrant II activities. Since my mission statement (again, here for reference) already incorporates these four areas of stewardship a...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey Having put forth three habits that comprise personality responsibility and independence, Covey turns to address interdependence (cooperative action). Building interdependent relationships: seek to understand people, their thoughts, and their motivations so that we can empathize and know what matters to them attend to details; small kindnesses and courtesies are important keep commitments clarify expectations in relationships to avoid confusion always strive to demonstrate personal integrity (first three habits) apologize whenever it is warranted Habits four, five, and six build on these concepts: Habit Four: Think Win/Win seek mutually beneficial outcomes whenever possible Win/Win or no deal strategy for collaborating with those we do not hold commitments to Win/Win or compromise strategy for collaborating with those we hold commitments to this habit takes tremendous integrity because it ...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey Habit three of effective living can be summarized as life management. Remember that habit one was recognizing our agency, habit two was demonstrating the leadership to chart our course and now here we are at habit three- active management on a day to day basis in line with our chartered course. From a computer/IT perspective this is running the program we’ve written. The most important part of running our program is keeping our commitments; is adhering to the features we’ve documented in writing the program. Doing this is a show of self-discipline. We have to master self-discipline in order to succeed in running the program as written. I ntegrity is having the discipline to submit our will to our principles we’ve centered our life on. Here Covey introduces his organizational paradigm of Quadrant management. Quadrant I activities under our management are those which are urgent in nature and important ...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Covey states that the second habit of a highly effective person is to organize life around a vision of what we value most, or in his words, to ‘begin with the end in mind’. Along these lines we should document what matters to us with a personal mission statement or statement of purpose. This is leadership; this is setting a vision of what we want to accomplish. From an IT/computer perspective this habit is writing the program for our system. The best programs we could write per Covey focus on solid principles (again, unchanging deep truths) and we must be careful not to center life on anything but those principles lest we make them little idols in our life. He cautions against a life that prioritizes marriage, family, money, work, possessions, pleasure, friends, enemies, church, or ourselves at the exclusion of everything else. I went through this exercise many years ago – creating a statement of purpo...

Continuing notes from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey . According to Covey, the first habit we must cultivate for success is that of proactivity. This means abandoning the paradigm of strict determinism: stimulus------>response Instead we must embrace a paradigm that includes the interjection of man’s free will: stimulus---->thought/will---->response We are not mere robots led around by our noses; we can choose to stop and think before acting. We must take initiative to act in our circle of influence. Note that this is not simply superficial positive thinking or an attitude adjustment but addressing realities and thoughtfully choosing the best course of action. Our circle of influence: that which we have direct control over – our actions and character that which we have indirect control over – our collaborative work with others From a computer/IT perspective this habit is simply the embrace of the reality that we have a hand in programming ...

I’ve been reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It’s my second reading of the work - my first reading was early last year but with the stress of my father’s death I didn’t absorb any of the material. There’s a lot to review and comment on so I’ll be writing my notes in sections. According to Covey, the field of success literature began with an emphasis on building character (fidelity, integrity, humility, etc). However post WWI the field turned toward a cult of personality and most modern success literature addresses the superficial of social relations like how to get people to like you and how to build your “brand”. Covey criticizes this new paradigm and reminds us that social ethics are secondary success factors; we can only experience true success and enduring happiness if we have a foundation of underlying character. “Search your heart with all diligence for out of it flows the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23 “What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I ...

  Just finished reading The Art of Critical Thinking by Vincent Ruggiero. Summary Notes follow. Thinking is production of ideas and judgment of ideas. Read problems fully then decide how to begin attacking them. Check assumptions for validity. Think on paper for clarity: freewrite, brainstorm. Good thinkers accept the following foundational beliefs: 1. Strict determinism and strict free-will are both false. Our ideas and actions are heavily influenced and constrained by nature/nuture but we have a strong measure of free will that we exercise to determine our course of actions. 2.There is objective truth, although we may not always be able to discern it. 3. We approach truth from direct experience, from directly observing others’ experiences, and from report by others. We are biased by our own senses, our attitudes and beliefs and the reliability of reporting. 4. Memory recall is frequently flawed. 5. Opinions can be expressions of taste/preference (which are not based ...